Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry

196550_959423899774_6782909_nDear Mommy,

You don’t have to be sorry.

The other day, I heard you crying in the bathroom. That was the day that you just couldn’t take it anymore. My brother spilled a gallon of organic milk, which apparently “costs more than college,” and I had an accident on the floor. We both had been screaming and crying all day, and we wouldn’t leave you alone even though you asked for just five minutes.

You locked yourself in the bathroom, and you cried. When you came out, you hugged both of us, and you said you were sorry.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

Then there was that day that you were on your phone. A lot. You said there were some things you wanted to read and pictures you wanted to see. When you tucked me in at night, you told me you were sorry you were on the phone so much.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

I remember the day that I was following you around the house crying because I wanted to be held, but you had so much cleaning to do because Grandma was coming. Once all the cleaning was done, you picked me up and cuddled with me on the couch for a minute before I jumped off your lap. That one minute was all I needed, but I saw the look on your face. It’s the same look you make when you tell Daddy, “One day soon, they won’t want to be held at all.”

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

Remember the day you yelled really loudly at me? So loud that it scared me and I started crying? And I was confused because I was scared and I usually want you when I’m scared, but you were the person who scared me, and I didn’t know what to do? Your face softened right away, and you picked me up and promised never to make that sound again.

Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry.

You don’t have to be sorry that you have bad days. I have bad days, too, and you always tell me that it’s OK to have a bad day.

You don’t have to be sorry that you didn’t make dinner. I love when you tell us that dinner is a picnic and we snack off a cheese plate that you put on a blanket on the floor.

You don’t have to be sorry that I didn’t get a bath last night because you were too tired, or that you didn’t want to read a third story, or that you got frustrated because I kept crawling out of bed.

Mommy, I see you. I may not always thank you, or tell you I love you, or do what you want me to do, but I do see you. On the days when you feel sorry, please remember the way my face lights up when you walk in the door, or how your kisses are somehow magic when I’m hurt.

You don’t have to be sorry. When no one else understands what I’m saying, you do. When no one else can comfort me, you can. When no one else could put up with my bad days, you do.

You may not be perfect, but you are the perfect mommy for me.

Love,

Your baby

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43 Comments on Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry

  1. Tina
    January 21, 2016 at 4:54 pm (2 years ago)

    Love it Kate, I love reading your blogs

    Reply
    • Wanda
      January 26, 2016 at 7:03 am (2 years ago)

      They grow up so fast! Hug them while u can !

      Reply
      • Sharon Barkhuizen
        January 27, 2016 at 5:06 pm (2 years ago)

        title=”My baby no more, turning into teenager”>
        I can not believe my baby son, Rick, will be turning 10 this year. Off to Grade 4 he went, reassuring me that he will be fine on his first day of school this year (2016). I can’t help feeling his growing up too fast!

        Reply
        • Kristine
          February 6, 2016 at 1:30 pm (2 years ago)

          I needed that!

          Reply
        • Debbieb
          February 7, 2016 at 1:36 am (2 years ago)

          I used to be like that, was shocked when my first went to school, then went to high school…..well she is now a mother of two and she shared this on FaceBook. Just wanted to say your ‘baby son’ Rick will be fine. Enjoy every part of them growing, it doesn’t stop. (She is 36 next month) where did that time go? :O

          Reply
    • Linda
      February 27, 2016 at 4:03 pm (2 years ago)

      So very true.kids and grandkids are growing so fast these days
      Take time to hug. And tell your kids you love them everyday.

      Reply
    • D
      March 11, 2016 at 6:47 pm (2 years ago)

      Beautiful!

      Reply
  2. Will
    January 22, 2016 at 10:10 am (2 years ago)

    As a dad who has the easy option of being in the office while the real work is being done at home, I salute you. To all mums and dads who stay at home, thanks for making up for our absence. I salute you all.
    The two hours (if I am lucky) I get after work and before bedtime to try and contribute to my sons development is a real treat, but I can only imagine how conflicting it must be to be driven to the edge of sanity by the little person/people we hold most dear. I am not sure the battle of envy and relief that we experience as “the other parent” really compares.

    Reply
    • claire
      January 22, 2016 at 4:51 pm (2 years ago)

      I’m married but I think I love you for this comment alone lol I salute you for understanding that being at work or being at home is work regardless x

      Reply
      • Jess
        February 4, 2016 at 8:34 pm (2 years ago)

        Ha ha – I was going to write the same thing! Love love love!

        Reply
    • Marrissa
      January 25, 2016 at 6:54 am (2 years ago)

      Thank you

      Reply
    • Danielle
      January 26, 2016 at 9:28 pm (2 years ago)

      THANK YOU!!! For your amazing comment!

      Reply
    • Shanicr
      February 20, 2016 at 7:11 am (2 years ago)

      I love your comment! I also salute you too for such caring and understanding. So thoughtful x

      Reply
    • Riham
      February 25, 2016 at 11:12 pm (2 years ago)

      The article brought tears to my eyes, but your comment made me sob! Your words were so lovely n warm to read. Much appreciated. A stay at home mom <3

      Reply
  3. Rachel
    January 23, 2016 at 12:25 am (2 years ago)

    This is something I really needed to read right now, so thank you for writing it. I am a 24 year old mom of a 2 1/2 year old and a 14 month old and there are days that I just want to hide in my room away from everything, but I can’t because I have them and they are the most important things in the world to me. I can’t thank you enough for writing this.

    Reply
    • mama j
      February 4, 2016 at 3:28 pm (2 years ago)

      I have the same feeling im a 24 year old single mother I have 4 boys 3 that live with me its a struggle every day along with fighting for custody of my other boy. I just want to run and hide and cry all the time but can’t i have to be strong for my boys!!!

      Reply
  4. Mickayla
    January 23, 2016 at 5:55 am (2 years ago)

    This is amazing especially right in this moment my one year old has many teeth coming in and so attached it gets tough at times thank you for things like this it helps ease minds well at least it did for me!

    Reply
  5. Susan
    January 23, 2016 at 4:55 pm (2 years ago)

    As a parent of grown babies, ages 25, 23, & 20, I can tell ALL parents out there that only YOU remember these days. The kids….NO memories of those “I’m sorry days”. If only I knew that back then, there WOULDA been a lot less guilt and a lot more love for myself as a parent. And I still have awesome relationships with our grown babies now!!

    Reply
    • Jenn
      January 23, 2016 at 11:20 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you. I needed that encouragement to allow myself grace. From a mom of four boys: 3, 5, & 7, and our unborn 24week guy.

      Reply
  6. Alicia
    January 23, 2016 at 6:58 pm (2 years ago)

    Hits home! <3

    Reply
  7. Karen
    January 23, 2016 at 11:05 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow that was full on and so true. It brought tears to my eyes. Loved it

    Reply
    • Frank & Judy Bradley
      January 24, 2016 at 11:15 pm (2 years ago)

      I an 74 and have a grown daughter and this brought tears to my eyes. as I have a 19 yr old grdaughter raising a baby boy now 7 mo and I thought of her.

      Reply
  8. Hannah W
    January 24, 2016 at 4:56 am (2 years ago)

    as a mother of a two and four year old, I too have experienced all of these moments but in a way I disagree. As a follower of Jesus Christ I believe that when I get upset and yell at my child I have the responsibility to apologize. I tell my 4 year old to say sorry when he’s lost his temper with his brother and I am not above that either. They need to see that mommy is not a hypocrite. I have to abide by the same rules as they do. :)

    Reply
    • Rachel
      January 27, 2016 at 4:54 am (2 years ago)

      I totally understand where you are coming from, however, I do not think the author intended such a literal interpretation. I think the “Mommy, you don’t have to be sorry” is a metaphor to remind all mothers, even when they think they are failing their children, that you will always be perfect in your children’s eyes. It’s an unconditional kind of love!

      Reply
      • bob
        January 28, 2016 at 2:25 am (2 years ago)

        Your message was so awesome. Brought tears to my eyes. As an 80 year old, still working, great. Granddad of 2, granddad. To 10, dad to 4 boys, and stepdad to 3, I. Have always said my wife had a much harder job than I did.i worked from sunup to sundown but her work, truly, was never done. She. Raised our family. Thank God for our wives who coped with all the joys, disappointments And hurts of our little ones and

        Reply
    • Vickie
      March 14, 2016 at 2:51 am (2 years ago)

      You may be missing the point. Of course we have to set that appropriate example if we have acted badly. The point is that we shouldn’t feel like a failure or a bad parent. It is a hard job and we won’t be perfect at it – just perfect to our child. Their love is unconditional.

      Reply
  9. Amber
    January 24, 2016 at 10:09 pm (2 years ago)

    I have a one year old son and a 7.5 year old godson this article really hit home. I often feel as though I’m failing as a parent every day I constantly apologize to my god son even my one year old even though he has no idea what I’m saying. I love playing with my boys. I’m a single mom and it gets rough.

    Reply
    • Terrie
      March 15, 2016 at 10:55 am (2 years ago)

      I love this!! I’m printing it out to put on my daughter’s refrigerator. She just became a mother on March 8th!

      Reply
  10. Angela
    January 25, 2016 at 9:42 am (2 years ago)

    I’m so glad I stumbled onto this at almost 5am… I really needed this right now.

    Reply
  11. Joshua
    January 26, 2016 at 5:20 am (2 years ago)

    My respect for mothers reached unimaginable heights the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital, after hours of intense labor and a very difficult pregnancy all together, my lovely partner endured hours of having her nipples chewed raw by our new born. The baby had a very difficult three months sleep was sparse and came at the oddest hours but Alex endured and showered our little miracle baby with unconditional love. Granted I played my part and I tried to be the supportive father, I change diapers and help with baths and play with her, but I always get to leave. She on the other hand does not have that luxury. And I thank her every day for being such an amazing mother and still have the time to be loving towards me. I know I would have lost what little hair I have left had I gone through the agony she has, but in the end she always tells me how happy she is and what a joy it is to have such an amazing baby girl. Thank you to all the mothers out there, without you, none of us would be here. Thank you to my Lovely Alex you are the best mommy baby P could have

    Reply
  12. mckenna
    January 27, 2016 at 2:40 pm (2 years ago)

    I needed to read this. At this exact moment in time I’m staring at pancake mix strewn all over my bedroom floor. My 3 kids (5,4,3) decided that playing in it on the floor was “making recipes”. I yelled. And i feel horrible for it, but I was so angry. I cant believe they did that. -_- they continue to keep trying to play in it as I try to clean. Bad start to my day…..

    Reply
    • Kathi
      January 28, 2016 at 2:34 pm (2 years ago)

      In 10 or 20 years that is going to be an awesome memory. Which doesn’t help right now. My children are all grown and I have grandkids. Through their eyes I am seeing these things that I missed along the way because of stress and frustration and trying to get them to listen. My grandkids give me that chance to see what I missed and I have to chuckle when my kids throw their hands in the air in exasperation. We have all been there and I had to learn to pick my battles. I decided if I didn’t see bloodshed along with screaming…then it wasn’t too bad. And would it really matter next week or next month? Would it forever change the events or my abilities as a Mom? Nope. We all survive somehow….and my kids still tell me they love me. Couldn’t have messed up too bad I guess. Oh..and I was basically a single mom married to a drunk who got kicked to the curb. It is hard. But the rewards are so worth it. :)

      Reply
  13. anne
    January 27, 2016 at 3:09 pm (2 years ago)

    I had 4 under 10 and often they drove me insane well worth it and now i have 8 amazing grandchildren

    Reply
  14. Danyette
    January 28, 2016 at 10:38 pm (2 years ago)

    I also am so glad to have read this today. I have twins. (4months old) I also have Ocd , I tend to beat myself up ALOT. At the same time I always am kissing and hugging them , telling them how much I love them. I do sneak in the kitchen or bedroom and cry sometimes cause it DOES get stressful, although the reward is so worth it. Thank you for sharing , much needed.

    Reply
  15. Dezygnher
    January 31, 2016 at 8:25 pm (2 years ago)

    I ask that all families young or old will make every effort to give attention to the men and or women that raised them; doing their best to comfort and provide when that time is necessary. Our lifetimes can be challenging but do not discount their efforts when the roles are reversed. I witness this now and it is sad. Time is short. Make peace.

    Reply
  16. Chiclette
    February 1, 2016 at 4:19 am (2 years ago)

    If only I lived in the moments I wouldn’t have had many “I’m sorrys”. My kids are now in their 30’s I have 6 beautiful grand babies but I see my own kids making some things priorities or trying to accomplish too much in this crazy world we live in! Please young parents, when your child is trying to get your attention, stop and listen and give them that 2 mins they need right then …I promise you, your ” I’m sorrys” will be cut in half! But if you mess up, yes, say “I’m sorry” hug them, kiss them and carry on! Life is too short, tomorrow is not guaranteed! Live in the moment while your kids are under 8. Then the teenage years will be better too. Great topic!

    Reply
  17. Kira
    February 2, 2016 at 6:31 am (2 years ago)

    Thank u so much for writing this, it really helps, I got a lil teary eyed. I’m a single mom to 3, a 7 year old, and my 3 year old twins it is so hard doing it all by myself, some times I wanna cry but I don’t wanna let my kids see me cry

    Reply
  18. Jaci
    February 3, 2016 at 4:50 am (2 years ago)

    This is an awesome post! It is so touching. It made me cry, but in a good way. Thank you for writing this!

    Reply
  19. Sandra Avery
    February 7, 2016 at 3:37 pm (2 years ago)

    My “baby” just turned fifty, my oldest is fifty-five…however the feelings of a mother never change. You still had your times to “cry in the bathroom” or “yell too loud”.

    The worst time to remember some of these moments, no matter how small, is in the middle of the night…when the “baby” is fifty!!

    I love your piece so much and look forward to reading more. Blessings.

    Reply
  20. Ires D
    March 13, 2016 at 9:12 pm (2 years ago)

    I really needed that..Im a mother of 3 beautiful boys at times it gets crazy especially being a single parent.love love love..thank you..made my day better!

    Reply
  21. Phillis
    March 27, 2016 at 1:14 am (2 years ago)

    I believe every parent can relate to this. Thank you this is straight from mine and many others heart

    Reply
  22. Candy
    August 28, 2016 at 5:46 am (1 year ago)

    I’m a mother of 2. My daughter is 19 and just got married Aug.13, 2016 and my baby is 16 1/2. I loved reading this. Unfortunately my husband and I both had to work full time jobs when our children were little, but now we are both on disability. I so wish I could have had this time that I have now when they were younger, but we couldn’t afford to. That’s one of those tearful “I’m sorry” moments for me, especially with my daughter because I do get some time with my son, but she was in her Senior year of high school before I had any extra time. And when the time is gone you can’t get it back….So, my advise to ANY parent is to NOT take time with your kids for granted. For 2 reasons 1) time does fly! My daughter is married!! I feel like she should still be dressing in princess clothes!! And 2) NO ONE is promised tomorrow. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the honest truth. We are not even promised our next breath. Cherish EVERY day you have with your family. Your children are the most treasured gift from God that he will entrust you with! And believe it or not, he loves them MORE than you do, it goes beyond our comprehension. He has an agape love for each of us, and when he is ready for any one of us, he will call us home.

    Reply
  23. Troy
    December 31, 2016 at 6:30 pm (12 months ago)

    Love the way you love your kids! And I have never been sorry that I knew you before and after da kids!

    Reply

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