Drop your kids and leave.

11182272_10103078949687064_985196419459445831_nWhy don’t you bring your children over to my house to play?

You have no idea how much I love the giggles and squeals coming from a room other than the one I’m in. I keep reading about how socialization is important, so let’s get our kids together. I’ll put them in a room with a bunch of toys, shut the door and enjoy the sounds of independent play.

Really, you can bring your children over to my house to play.

But – and don’t take this the wrong way – I don’t want you to stay. Just drop your kids at the door and then go do what you want.

For real.

This is a win-win. Your kids will have fun, and you have the afternoon to do whatever you want. Clean the house, or start happy hour early, or watch a movie, or eat the good food that you don’t want your kids mooching.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I have shit to do that I can’t do if you’re here. Your kids distract my children so that I can do my chores. While the little ones are bopping around the playroom, I can fold laundry without having tiny hands rip clothes from the basket and throw them on the floor. I can write, I can clean, hell, I can just THINK without having constant disruptions.

So please, bring your children over to my house to play.

I know how bad it sounds to say that I don’t want to play with my kids, but I really don’t want to play with my kids. If your kids play with my kids, then I don’t need to play with my kids. I spend enough time in Pretend World as it is. I pretend to be a dinosaur. I pretend to be a super hero. I pretend to be a princess. Bring your kids over so I can pretend to be a mother who has her act together.

Stop delaying the inevitable and just bring your children over to my house to play.

Yes, they will be fine without you. Let’s be honest: We don’t pay them much attention during our play dates, anyway. They always disappear upstairs so we can complain about them and our husbands downstairs. I don’t think our kids even realize we are here most of the time.

Pretty, pretty please bring your children over to my house play.

There’s this at-home workout I have been dying to try, and it’s only 20 minutes, and I can do it while the kids are distracted with Play-Doh. Ha. No, no I’m not going to do that. I’ll probably change into my workout clothes but get distracted by that episode of “30 Rock” that I have been meaning to watch. In any case, it will be a 20 minutes well-spent.

Don’t make me beg you to bring your children over to my house to play. Just do it. Do it for me. Do it for you. Do it for the kids.

Do it for all the mommies out there who JUST NEED A BREAK. This is our chance. This is our solution.

Bring your children over to my house to play, or else I just might dump my kids at your house and run.

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