Why do parents post updates about their kids’ potty time?

77af68ef0fa48ac1b93d2303c6aaa786When I hear about a crime, I wonder why it happened. You know, people, steal because they are poor, run from police because they are afraid, that kind of thing.

Those explanations certainly don’t apply to every case, but having an understanding of why some crimes occur is a good way to start solving the underlying issues that drives the wrongdoing.

That said, we have a serious problem in the parenting world that must be stopped immediately: Parents posting about their kids’ pee pee and doody on social spaces. It happens, and it happens a lot.

Like, a lot.

Just like many other major crimes against humanity, we need to take a look at WHY parents feel the need to share the potty talk with the entire world. I have come up with a few good explanations that in no way justify the behavior, but at least they can help us understand why it happens:

1. Because kids are our creations and our lives.

“I identify as sooooo many other things besides ‘mother’. I’m a runner, an environmental enthusiast, a crafter and a total foodie!”

Pssshhhh, stop kidding yourself. You are a mom, your kids come first, they are your world and if your kid handed you a picture made from toilet creatures, you would probably hang it on your fridge. We get it. I get it. We can act like our kids aren’t EVERYTHING, but they really are EVERYTHING, and we think that every little thing they do is the most precious thing EVER. If you say you disagree, you’re lying. And don’t even act like you never celebrated a potty moment in some way, because if you didn’t, you’re doing parenting wrong.

2. Because potty training is just the worst.

Second only to trying to get kids to sleep, potty training is one of the most frustrating things any parent will ever attempt. You have to clean up so much pee. So.Much.Pee. For an entire summer, our floors, couches and even walls were just covered in it. Kids cry, parents cry … Even the dog even lets out a wail from time to time, but mostly because your son thinks the water dish is a toilet.

3. Because it’s a damn feat.

Imagine a work project you have been laboring over for months and months. Then you launch it, and it’s a hit. You get a raise and a promotion and don’t have to change a diaper. That’s what it’s like the first time your kid makes it to the potty. It is more exciting than your wedding day or the day you found out “Friends” would be on Netflix. When my son used the bathroom by himself for the first time, my husband actually said, “I think I’m going to get this date tattooed on my arm.”

4. Because we have lost all sense of decency.

As soon as I became a parent, I lost sight of how early was too early to text or call someone. I forgot that talking about dirty diapers isn’t dinner conversation. I assumed everyone experienced nipple pain and wanted to talk about topical creams.

This is why a parent posts an update about little So-and-So going on the potty. That parent has forgotten that NO ONE CARES that her child – aka her world – made a bowel movement. That parent has lost all sense of reality because carpet cleaner fumes – inhaled on a daily basis thanks to a potty training child who pees everywhere – have seriously damaged her brain. That parent has been so consumed with chasing around a naked little tot for months that she doesn’t realize that there is an entire world of people out there who have never and will never have to do what she is doing, which is teaching another human how to use a toilet.

The posts aren’t acceptable. They are criminal and should not be out in the world for everyone to see, especially as I am trying to enjoy my morning oatmeal.

But at least we know why parents are doing it.

Now, we just need to come up with a solution. And that’s why Facebook jail exists.

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