The Grocery Store

Anyone with kids knows that going to the grocery store is pretty much going to be the worst part of your day. It’s such a shame, because I used to love shopping for food. It is amazing to me how different these trips are now compared to just five years ago.
Parking
Pre-Kids: Oh, I’ll just park way in the back of the lot. They say that walking a little extra every day is good for you!
Now: Did that guy seriously just take that spot? He did! You, hey! You! Listen, bucko, there is clearly a sign that says “For parents with children only” on that spot! You do not have any kids with you! You better hope I don’t pass you in the produce section, because I will shove a cucumber right up your-Oh, nevermind, there’s another spot that’s closer to the store.
Walking In
Pre-Kids: Ooooh, look at these cute holiday decorations on sale! I can’t wait to spend way too much money on them because I have no other use for my disposable income. And discounted holiday chocolate! My lucky day!
Now: Oh %$*@. They have the damn candy at the front of the store again. Must distract toddler.
Produce
Pre-Kids: I just love taking my time to find the PERFECT apple, the PERFECT bunch of bananas and the PERFECT avocado.
Now: Sigh. Whatever.
Deli & Bakery
Pre-Kids: Bread bread bread yummy carbs bread donuts bagels bread bread bread bread
Now:Must.Not.Look.
Meat
Pre-Kids: Let’s grill steaks tonight! Mmm and have that fresh, expensive fish tomorrow and then the next day, I’ll spend two hours putting together that new chicken dish I have been dying to try.
Now: $10 for 10 hamburgers? Are they microwaveable?
Dairy
Pre-Kids: I haven’t bought milk in a decade.
Now: Organic milk is the downfall of our budget.
Walking the Aisles
Pre-Kids: I think I’ll go up and down every single aisle just to see what’s here. Maybe there’s something new! I just love being able to take my time and leisurely stroll through this miraculous collection of delciousness.
Now: Don’t need anything from that aisle. There will be a major tantrum if I go down that one. Must go down this one but keep 3-year-old from seeing giant bags of candy. Lord, is this trip over yet?
Running People I Know
Pre-Kids: Oh, how wonderful to see you! Yes, I do look thin! I have ton of time to work out and cook healthy food. Oh, these? I just got them at the mall this weekend. Just $80 – they had a sale on sandals!
Now: I was hoping I wouldn’t see anyone. Yes, I’m wearing a sweatshirt in this heat because right now baggy clothes are my friends. Please don’t look at my feet. I’m wearing two different shoes.
Checking Out
Pre-Kids: La la la I love grocery shopping la la la this is so fun
Now: Why must they have MORE CANDY right here? I’m almost done. I almost made it without a tantrum! Thanks, geniuses, for tempting my kids ONE LAST TIME in such an obvious place. THIS IS PURE HELL!
Leaving
Pre-Kids: An hour!?! I was in there for an hour? That is SO.LONG. I have all these evening plans and I have to spend at least two hours getting ready. I can’t believe I was in there for an entire hour! That’s four times as long as it usually takes.

Now: An hour? Record time!

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