9 reasons potty training is the worst

I have been potty training my daughter for about a week, and I call BS. This entire process is nothing short of BS. It is dumb and agonizing and here’s why:potty training

1. Because “waiting until she’s ready” isn’t always possible.

Well, OF COURSE it would be ideal to wait until my child is mentally on board with this whole “sit on the potty” thing, but there are day cares and child watch services that have ridiculous rules like, “All children 2.5 and older must be able to use the bathroom on their own.” Two-year-olds!

2. Because what is “ready” anyway?

My son was “ready” about 50 times before he actually mastered this thing. It was a year from the first time we put him on the toilet until he was totally solo. My daughter is acting “ready” – going to the bathroom on her own occasionally and alerting us to her needs. Is that not “ready”? Does she need to be able to send us messages in Morse code? Make action figures out of her own feces? Use her plumbing skills to fix how loud the toilet is as the bowl refills? WHAT IS “READY”???

3. Because everyone has an opinion on it.

I don’t need your advice, thanks. I have plenty of books, blogs and other know-it-all parents prying my jaws open and shoving their fistfuls of potty training sanctimony down my throat.

4. Because there are kids who train “in just two days!”

I suspect these are also the children who have slept through the night every night since birth and always eat all their vegetables without whining even once.

5. Because the pee.

It’s just everywhere. Everywhere.

6. Because pull-up diapers are insanely expensive.

Genius move on behalf of the diaper companies, though. It’s practically the exact same as a regular diaper, but they can charge double for putting princess faces or cartoon cars on them. After all, if your kid isn’t peeing into a familiar face, then what’s the point?

7. Because it’s kind of gross.

This ain’t my first rodeo. I know how much urine-soaked clothes are about to be all over my home. I know I’ll have to put a kid’s toilet in my car and ride around with it because there is no way my daughter is going to make it through a five-minute car ride before she announces that IT’S TIME.

8. Because Mommy just can’t sometimes.

Look, there are those insanely long days when I don’t want to get off the couch so I can use the restroom myself.

9. Because can’t they just do it on their own?

I feel like eventually, kids have to be able to figure it out. If my daughter can watch me eat food and learn how to inhale cookies whole; watch her father yell at the TV during a football game and learn how to scream at Dora; watch her brother sneak food out of the pantry and learn how to get her own applesauce pouches; then surely, she can watch all of us go to the bathroom and learn how to do it, right?

Sigh.

Unfortunately, she has to go to a day care that demands children to be potty trained. So, bring on the pull-ups, the pee-covered floors and the terrible wiping.

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