We start dinner at 5 p.m. in our house. Every day, I plan to eat at 6 p.m. so that the kids, my husband and I will all be together. However, if the children do not feed at 5 p.m., they turn into Gremlins and try to eat the dog. So, dinner at 5 it […] Read more…
Nearly every year for the past 15 years, I have spent the winter holidays somewhere other than the place I call home. The only exception to that is the year I had to work on Christmas day. A full-time employee at a newspaper, I heated up a microwave meal for dinner while sadly humming, “(There’s […] Read more…
I was in my bathroom with hot air blasting into the side of my head. “I should ask for a new blow dryer for Christmas,” I thought, as my current one is older than my college degree and pretty much just as useless. Just then, the kids burst in the room. The not-so-little one yelled, […] Read more…
Elf on the Shelf, love it or hate it, you probably have one of those shifty-eyed buggers hiding out in your house right now. Exactly who came up with the idea of stealth, elf surveillance we may never know, but people keep shelling out 30 bucks a pop for the honor of not looking like the […] Read more…
It was about two weeks ago. I left the house in a rush yelling to my husband as the door shuts “i don’t even know if i believe in vaccination, but I’m going to go shoot up our kid with bacteria and fungus now.” (No. This is not a post about vaccination, asshole). It was […] Read more…
Every year, my friend posts a picture of her Christmas tree on Facebook. It is always a gorgeous, “real” tree, probably 8 feet tall and full of pine needles that I swear I can smell through the picture. She has it decked out in fancy ornaments, maybe red and gold one year, blue and silver the […] Read more…
The world doesn’t end when a child’s toy is misplaced, but it sure as shit is a much worse place to live. I have years of experience finding children’s toys all over the house, the car, the store, the zoo and the rest stop somewhere between Ohio and the Carolinas. Here is a super easy way […] Read more…
So, have you guys seen Whine About It? This dude, Matt Bellassai, is pretty much the best ever. Every week, he gets drunk on wine (point) at his desk at work (point) and bitches about something (six points). I adore his posts, especially this one, which perfectly sums up WHY KIDS ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST. […] Read more…
Well, hello, soon-to-be-passenger. I’m excited that you will be joining us on our car ride today. Before we get started, I’d like to give you complimentary a tour of the vehicle to maximize your comfort and your experience. Let’s start with the exterior, which is a beautiful metallic gray lightly sprinkled with quirky scratches that […] Read more…
I pretty much knew from the moment we found out I was pregnant that we were going to co-sleep. It just made sense to me. What I did NOT know was how co-sleeping would be such a game-changer. Did it change things for the good? For the worse? Depends on the day. Anyone who co-sleeps […] Read more…