Archive of ‘how to’ category

How to deal with bullies

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As has become the norm, Monster got home from school early one afternoon and took off his pants to run around the backyard half-naked. This time, however, I noticed a long red scratch on his leg. “Dude, what happened?” I asked. My son’s eyes went from pants-less-excitement-level to forlorn remembrance. “The boy,” he said softly. […] Read more…

How to sound like an idiot on the phone with the ped

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Being an on-call pediatrician or nurse must be so super annoying. Granted, there are legitimate emergencies, like kids with spiking fevers or things stuck up their noses. But then there are the parents who worry about everything. Even the stupid things. As a second-time mommy, I thought I was in the clear of these silly […] Read more…

How to fix the world

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I’m going to preface this by saying that I have a lot of frustration, and it is resulting in totally misplaced anger. Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to propose what I think is the best solution for one of the world’s most pressing problems: Every parent in the […] Read more…

How to overlook a ruined dinner

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On my mother’s side of the family, I have relatives who like to eat things a little burned. It’s not uncommon for chocolate chip cookies to have very, very browned under-sides – on purpose. I started thinking this week about how that came to be. You aren’t supposed to like food that is burnt to […] Read more…

How to survive parenthood

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One of my favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan, has described being a parent to four children this way: “Imagine you are drowning … and then someone hands you a baby.” I don’t have four children, though I’m quite sure Monster counts as at least two. Either way, there are days that I feel like I am […] Read more…

How to battle bronchitis while eight months pregnant

Should you ever find yourself too huge/lacking ab strength to roll oneself off the couch, and you are in dire need of ice water, apparently it is completely natural to simply cry until your caretaker comes rushing to your side to ask what you need. And should you get yourself so worked up crying that […] Read more…

How to enjoy the rain

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I always groan when I see the forecast is rain. I had a former co-worker who used to celebrate rain, and it always annoyed me. “Rain is a sign to stay inside and cuddle with the one you love,” he would say. Gag. Puke. No, rain is a sign that I can’t wear out my […] Read more…

How to find your toddler when he runs away in a store

The parking lot was packed. Of course it would be. It was a week until Christmas. I held Monster tight as we walked through the automatic doors. He gladly accepted sitting in a cart and pointed out our surroundings as we walked to the back of the store. “Big truck! Red! Oh, Christmas tree, Momma, […] Read more…

Cast Away

During my pregnancy with Monster, I spent a lot of time with our dog, Mona. She and I went for a run almost every morning and a walk every afternoon. We cuddled in the evenings and spent weekends at the park. I did a lot of research on how to preserve your puppy’s feelings once […] Read more…

How to deal with tantrums

You can’t teach 22-month-olds logic. At that age, they think the dog enjoys being poked in the eye repeatedly. And they think throwing a fit is how to get their way. We have been dealing with what some call “tantrums.” I’m not sure who came up with that word. It is a stupid word that […] Read more…

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