Archive of ‘how to’ category

I can solve teen pregnancy

Parents of teenagers, fear not, for I have a solution for how to keep your children from reproducing before they are ready. No, it’s not abstinence (hilarious). And no, it’s not condoms and birth control, though we need to keep those on the table. The answer is simple: Drop them off at my house. I’m […] Read more…

How to Survive a Trip to the Toy Store

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Step 1: Have a slight hangover. You JUST hosted a huge family gathering for your in-laws. Having a few beers kept you sane, right? Let the fun keep on rolling the next morning when your 4-year-old jumps on your pounding head to wake you up because you promised him you would go to the toy […] Read more…

How To Convince Your Husband to Have Another Baby When He Really, Really Doesn’t Want To

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Step 1: Take out pictures of your children when they were babies. Remind him of how amazing the kids were when they were teeny tiny. Your husband wasn’t at all terrified of holding the baby/dropping the baby/accidentally breaking the baby while getting it dressed. Recount stories of how you never had to wake up repeatedly […] Read more…

5 Ways to Avoid Failing on a Road Trip With Kids

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I don’t mean to brag, but I’m kind of an expert on miserable car rides. From short trips to the grocery store with a screaming baby in tow, to a 14-hour drive through wintry weather with two exhausted little ones, I have substantial street cred to offer the following no-nos: 1. Don’t leave at a […] Read more…

The correct way to bandage an injured toddler

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Step One: Assume the Worst If your child has tripped over his own two feet or run into the wall (again) or bonked his head on a table, he will nearly always need emergency medical attention. You can simply call 911 right away and go down to step seven, or, you can gamble with your […] Read more…

How to stop caring about milestones

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My best friend’s son is just a month older than Eliza. We spend many mornings on the phone discussing the babies’ latest ear infections or up-all-night episodes. One morning a few months ago, she remarked to me that her son could find his nose and clap. Two thoughts immediately raced through my mind: “Eliza definitely […] Read more…

How to catch a break

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Whether you work outside the home or stay with the kids, whether you are in your 20s or in your 50s, whether your kids are she-devils or angels, there is one thing that is universally true if you are a parent: You need a break. Parenting is the most insane job anyone could have. Everyone […] Read more…

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