Archive of ‘awkward’ category

An overinflated sense of self

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OK, I’m ready for my body back. For the last three and a half years, my body has belonged to or has been used by a baby. I love breastfeeding. I mildly enjoyed pregnancy. I gladly loaned parts of myself to my children so they could grow from a raindrop into the raging storm they […] Read more…

Baby love

Eand-me

I think there’s a huge baby myth that needs debunking. The myth is that you will fall in love with your baby right away. On some level, you love your kid in that you instinctively care for them. But as far as being crazy in love from the get-go? That’s not a hard and fast […] Read more…

Cute is a relative term.

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So, I have something to say, and it probably will make me a little unpopular. There’s no good way to say it, so I’ll just come out with it. I mean, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. So here it goes. To me, newborn babies aren’t really that cute. Look, my kids are the most […] Read more…

The Easter Story

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I won’t go as far as saying that what happened this weekend was the worst thing to ever take place on Easter. After all, we’re talking about a holiday in which part of the story involves a dude who was arrested, tortured and killed in one of the worst ways imaginable. However, our Easter did […] Read more…

I have issues.

There are inevitable truths in parenting: You will get incredibly frustrated to the point of crying. You will feel so much love for something so teeny and helpless it will terrify you. You will feed your kid junk food even though you swore you never would. And: You will never feel the intense pressure of […] Read more…

One dirty momma.

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You would think that being a parent means setting a good example in good hygiene. Before the kid came along, I did pretty well. I got my hair cut regularly. I showered every day. Then Monster came along, and I have never been more disgusting. My hair/face/eyebrows/general appearance has never been so neglected. What the […] Read more…

Please volunteer to watch my child for free

Among the many, many reasons it is difficult to live hundreds of miles from your family, I think “not having babysitting” is near the top of the list. It kills me when I hear, “Oh, my mom watched the baby so I could get a haircut” or “My sister takes the kids every Thursday so […] Read more…

The more you know

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Every time we go to the pediatrician, she asks if we are reading to Monster. “Oh, of course!” I respond. We read. A lot. What I don’t tell them is what we read. Perhaps it’s because I’m looking at these books through a not-too-far-out-of-college lens, but I’m beginning to worry about some of our reading […] Read more…

Mommy instincts

When something is wrong with your child and you don’t know what it is, all rational thoughts are replaced with the maniacal ravings of a strung-out looney. Blame it on the pregnancy. Blame it on mommy-instincts-gone-bad. Either way, I fully admit that when Monster cries and I don’t know why, my mind instantly goes bonkers. […] Read more…

An appropriate start to the Terrible Twos?

I went ahead and took care of that “biggest failure to date as a parent” thing this past week. Totally botching my job as a mother isn’t as hard as I thought it might be. In fact, it came effortlessly. All I did was DIDN’T do something. What didn’t I do? I didn’t remember Monster’s […] Read more…

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